Sunday, April 20, 2014

Screw the hunt; just give me my damn Easter eggs!

photo credit: sea turtle via photopin cc

As a child, I wasn't always the Easter egg hunt trophy winner. In fact, I never was. And why was that? Easter egg hunts required a certain level of competitiveness that I didn't possess. I mean, sure, I wanted to get a basket full of Easter eggs, but I wasn't about to trip the kid next to me or break out in a sweat in order to get my greedy little fingers on the Easter eggs we were after. Instead, I went about the hunt in my ever-so-passive manner.

Now that I have successfully painted the picture of how I handled Easter egg hunts, I am sure that you can imagine what it was like when my mother signed my older sister, Sara, and I up for the city of Roseville's Parks & Rec Easter egg hunt. For some odd reason, my mom thought this would be a good time. Apparently, my mother had lost her goddamn mind. Didn't she know who she was working with here?

The city-wide Easter egg hunt was packed full of very greedy children and their possibly even greedier parents. Some might think survival of the fittest is a suitable description for this catastrophic event I am about to describe, but I think it was survival of the assholes. The assholes, of course, were both the kids and their parents.

The moment the gates opened, kids ran like wild animals after those eggs. Not unlike the kids in the pinata story, these kids swooped in like vultures for those eggs. Pushing and shoving were not uncommon tactics used in this egg hunt.

And how did the parents conduct themselves? They snuck in, of course. They pointed out eggs for their children. In fact, they may have even grabbed some eggs for their children. The point is, they cheated. It's as if they said to the kids, "Hey, want to be an asshole when you grow up? Watch what I do!"

This, of course, was all too much for me. When I'd finally spot an egg that I thought I could lay a finger on, I'd hear someone's dad yell something like, "Bobby, don't let her have it! Get in there!" and little Bobby would promptly swoop right in and snatch it. This happened many a time. I didn't get a single egg. Surprise, surprise.

As for my sister, she was able to snatch up a few eggs. She even was lucky enough to find a golden egg, which indicated that she was the winner of some kind of prize. I think it was a stuffed animal.

After that big Easter egg hunt, my mom vowed to never take us to one of those huge organized Easter egg hunts again. This pleased me, and I spent subsequent Easters participating in Easter egg hunts from the comfort of my backyard. These home Easter egg hunts were much more pleasant, as my mom hid the eggs in the most obvious of places and provided many a hint about the whereabouts of the eggs.

Do you readers have any good Easter egg hunt stories you'd like to share in the comments of this post?


  1. I've never participated in a big egg hunt. It sounds pretty scary!

    One time my parents hid hard-boiled eggs for us to find. While they were pretty sure we had found them all they were very mistaken. About a month later we found one that we had missed, by smell, in my little sister's diaper bag.

  2. Never did a big egg hunt, or if I did it traumatized me so much I can't remember. Either way, I'm good at not having that experience ;-)

    My cousins and I would go to my aunts and we would have an indoor Easter egg hunt and after we found all those we would search for our baskets. It was fun and low-key and afterwards we sat at her bar downstairs going through our loot and drinking Shirley Temples.

  3. I was totally the kid who worked up a sweat for any sort of competition, though I didn't trip people or play dirty. My mom actively tried to keep me out of sports because she didn't feel it was safe that I was always playing at full speed no matter what. Being the smallest kid in school though made going all out my only way to win. I didn't win much...though dodgeball and easter egg hunts were usually the two things I did well in.

  4. I went to my first easter egg hunt yesterday (I'm 25) and I was petrified, I hate anything where I might be scrutinised like that. I got a few, but not nearly as much as others and I reeaally never want to do it ever again.

  5. my grandparents assigned my brother and i different colors of eggs to find so that he wouldn't take them all... i liked the eggs but i would have been happier if they just gave me the candy lol

  6. I never did an egg hunt like that, but that sounds terrifying. Why did the parents care so much? Isn't it supposed to be all about fun? Boo on those parents! But I'm pretty sure had I been there, I would've ended up empty handed like yourself!

  7. My mom refused to take us to large egg hunts for that very reason. We had much more fun in our front and back yard hunting the eggs we had colored that morning.

  8. You guys, I am so sorry for not responding to your comments on this post. I appreciate all of them though. I'm trying to get better at writing back.


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